A love that we don’t have to question

It’s been three years since I last saw the sun hitting your face
The air moving your hair
Your laugh lighting up the room
And It still aches me.

I keep wishing that we could un meet
I could unlearn the way your lips move when you talk
The way you hold a pen to take down a note
The way you stare awkwardly when people compliment you.

But some memories just never leave your bones
They sink deep within your skin
And wake you up when you are sound asleep
And you are in all of them
And this was one of them.

I came home that night
Watched you lying on the floor
In a pool of blood
Your head still bleeding
And I froze.

I should have moved
Should have gotten you to the hospital
But I was numb
My world went black
I froze, my head was spinning.

I watched you breath your last
I was standing right above you
You closed your eyes
And took all the air in
And ever since then I’ve only been suffocating.

It haunts me that I couldn’t save you
That maybe you’d be here with me today dancing along
And we’d have our happily ever after
But I froze and death took you away.

I wake up in between nights
And I’m reminded of it all
I wish I could forget it
And I wish you could forgive me
I didn’t mean for this to happen, you know.

You will stay with me a lifetime
Your voice will always be an echo to me
Sometimes I wish I could unlearn you
So I’m not reminded of you every second
But that would tear me apart and make me hollow.

I grasp for air every time I’m awoken
All I feel is a heavy weight pushing me down
I’m losing control
It’s hard to breathe
The room has no air at all.

It’s like I’m being strangled
And the loop around my neck is getting tighter
I want to erase my memory
And forgot all about that night.

It’s been three years since I last saw the sun hitting your face
The air moving your hair
Your laugh lighting up the room
And It still aches me.

I wish I could forget it all
But some memories never leave your bones
They skim your skin and leave it to burn
And I can’t take the weight any longer.

I’m going to collapse
I’m going to go to the place that took you away from me three years ago
I’m coming home
Sweetheart, I’m coming home.

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