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a question

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“What would you do if you knew you’d not fail?”

I looked up at the stars and then back at those curious eyes, “Quite a lot,honestly. I’d want to do a lot of things but right now, sitting here with you, all I can think is how badly I want to hold you. I want to wake up to your face every morning, make you coffee because I know your love for it. Take you to places I know you’d love. I want to be the arms you fall into after a bad day. The person you’d turn to talk to about something exciting that happened at work or how the boss was getting on your nerves. I want to be the one laughing at your desperate attempts to nail that one recipe. I want to be the one who sees you on your bad hair days and I want to watch you grow. Because there’d be nothing more that makes me happy. So if there’s one thing I’d do when I know I won’t fail then it is to be your home. That’s something I never want to fail at”

A suicide note

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(Trigger warning)

I’m scared. So very scared. And here’s the thing, I don’t even know what I’m scared of. I just know that it’s been a long time since I began feeling like there was someone tightening their hold around my neck, a growing pit in stomach that is starting to look like a void. It’s been so long that I don’t remember not feeling this way. 

Yesterday, I made breakfast and read a book. Yesterday, I partied with my friends and it felt like it was us against the world. Yesterday, I went on a date and I loved it. Yesterday, my sister and I baked cookies. Yesterday, my brother and I went bowling. Yesterday, my family and I went to the beach. Yesterday, I smiled, laughed and cheered. Yesterday, I was not fine. 

I’ve been told that this will all be over soon and it’ll be okay. That I just have to hold on a little bit longer. That there was light at the end of this never ending tunnel. But I’m so tired. I’m so tired that I’m blinded and I cannot see what is 5 steps ahead of me. The truth is, I don’t want to. I don’t want to find the light. I don’t want to hold on. And I sure as hell know that it’s not going to be over soon. It’s going to happen again and again and again until I deteriorate into nothing but insanity. What do you tell someone like that? That there’s hope? I’d laugh. Hope is a woman; she’ll tease you and make you crave but will leave you before you even know what she tastes like. Hope is not my type anymore. 

I’m not scared of death. He has always been a companion to my thoughts. I think about how good it would feel to lace my fingers with his cold ones. How his mere touch could leave me breathless. How my mind could finally rest because he’d know what to do. 

I won’t apologize but I wouldn’t have wanted to hurt anyone. 

They say “Write that. The thing that you are most afraid to write”

It’s a suicide note. 

And here it is.

Stories in my mind

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As i sat on the train to Union Sq

I did my usual narrating the lives of strangers

I wondered what hidden talent the man across from me had, I imagined him secretly singing opera like those “big” opera artists

The woman in the purple scrubs, had failed the state exam to become a RN nonetheless she pulled through and passed the second time by a few points

The woman next to me slumped over napping,

Is an insomniac that spends her nights binge watching telenovelas

The older gentleman standing holding on to the railing, is tired out of his mind. He’s absolutely ready for retirement

The woman with the dreads standing in the center of the train, is going through a breakup. The sadness in her eyes is a tell-all

The lady with the pink coffee thermal, glued to her phone, observes strangers and writes about them. Oddly enough she enjoys pretending, maybe she never out grew her imagination

Polish the Soul

Dear soul,

Dear soul,
I’m proud of you…’cuz it’s not easy to get wounded and still win again and again. Sometimes situation are crucial too…and sometimes wounds are deep…the way you clam yourself is brilliant. After all perseverance is the key to success. Be patient and fight back till u exhale the last breathe in your body, till last beat of your heart. Ohh you were so innocent but see time changes everyone. So it did happen with u. But your innocence and played devil’s advocate every time. But doing all these will only harm you…only scar you…well you are brave to handle things on your own. So have courage, you have won this fight with yourself and you have to do it all alone again. So be prepared, cuz it’s gonna be fight of century. And be carefully,because my life is at stake…
Your sincerely,

Someone

Men

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Men do cry.

When thier love is pure ..

And they hide thier tears

To make believe they are strong which they are and make you feel,  you are safe.

Nothing is gonna happen with you around them

an abstract.

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the fan, barely hanging in place, was running at an awfully slow pace, but I was feeling alright, though. because this way I could hear the sound of your heart beating – loud but soft. because you were lying next to me. because we could be close enough to discover what gave us goosebumps. goodbyes are never okay. they are capable of making you feel empty, even with a heart the size of your fist, that’s beating inside you. even with a set of fingers running on your waist; telling you how everything was going to be okay. or less painful, today or tomorrow. tomorrow or later. you were playing your favourite song in your head while drawing imperfect circles on my back, i think. my hair kept coming on my face, and you kept tucking it behind my ear. you kept moving your hands on my head, sliding it with the curve of my skull, in a different way each time.
“i feel like a puppy you’re petting”, i say to you.
“i like putting you to sleep”, you say to me.
shivers run down my spine, when i catch you admiring my face, even in the dark. we were trying to match our inhales and exhales. we were trying to embrace the comfort in the silence.
your fingers were painting an abstract on my back, borrowing colours from the dark.
we were lying on the bed; a canvas, it was like wanting to be in a pseudo world before the real one took you away from me.
• an abstract on my back •

At the end

  1. Its not that quiet easy to see people quit from your life, especially the ones who have been the centre of gravity, the very pillar that had us not broken at times of disputes and that one person who stood no matter the cause omitting excuses. Now that they left, we spin and spin and spin with no destiny to be at or be wanted by. Now that we realize its done, whatsoever that was inbetween, we crumble at once hoping the person would change till we accept that its too late.

Appreciate Our Life

Life is all about time. Use the technology to make the distances seems closed. Appreciate whoever’s comes to our life. Cause, we never know who will leave us first. Be human and kind.

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Cheer up our days. Cause..happiness comes inside. From ourself non others.

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Be better you for your future!💛

Appreciate Our Life

Life is all about time. Use the technology to make the distances seems closed. Appreciate whoever’s comes to our life. Cause, we never know who will leave us first. Be human and kind.

.

Cheer up our days. Cause..happiness comes inside. From ourself non others.

.

Be better you for your future!💛

Oh Death

What is worse , having someone you love so much , that you will give your life for them in an instant,  die in an instant or watching them fade away a bit by bit infront of your eyes.