Did a paternity test behind wife's back and my son isn't mine

I've known for over a month that she's been cheating on me. For how long I'm still not sure. The fact that she goes about our everyday life like nothing is going on makes me want to scream sometimes. Seeing her smile on her phone pretending her sister sent her something and knowing she's talking to him. I've felt this twist in my gut ever since and started wondering if it's possible I'm not my son's biological father. And I couldn't take it anymore.


He's not mine. She doesn't know I got a paternity test done. My wife doesn't know I know she lied about who his father is. And have had to live with this knowledge for almost a week. While still going through the motions of caring for a 6 month old baby. It hurts so bad. Literally takes everything I have not to cry at any moment because she still doesn't know yet.


I can't stay with someone who would hurt me this deeply. 5 years down the drain like that. Every night like tonight I just want to pack my stuff and leave her before she wakes up. Then never see her again. I'm torn though because the second I look at his crib my heart doesn't want to leave him. He's not my biological son yeah but I still love him so much. No matter how hard I'm trying it won't turn off.


The idea of never seeing him again makes my heart feel way too heavy and gives me such anxiety. It's like tearing my heart out, I can't do it. It's midnight and he's currently dozing in my arms because the only time I'm given any kind of peace is when I'm holding him. He didn't ask for this mess either so we have that in common. I just don't know what to do now

 


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